I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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