True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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