She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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