Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Found the puke drawer
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
