I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
