I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
