It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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