i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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