no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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