Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
