put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
