tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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