i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
