my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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