hotel room ftw
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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