He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
