if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
