Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
