she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
