For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i drank out of a bidet.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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