Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
