Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
