Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
