Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
