Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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