I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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