I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
