is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
this just has baby written all over it
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
