woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
