I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
