This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
420 ftw
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
