You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
