Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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