The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
