she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
