You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
