i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
