erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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