I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
