no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
