So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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