forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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