final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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