I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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