once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
