allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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