She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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