I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
