Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
