Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
