I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
