She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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